Saturday, August 28, 2010

"When you try to please everyone, you risk losing yourself along the way"......and so, I stopped trying to please EVERYONE.....and guess what, I feel much better! Life has not been a bowl of cherry's lately.....but things are on the mend to where I am at peace and happy again......I've stopped crying every day, that was my biggest hurdle, being completely...emotionally worn out! It can take a toll on a person in a HUGE way. So....I am starting small, taking care of Chris, Lyza, myself......and Madisyn the best I can from far away! This isn't easy, this has been the hardest decision in my life to let this girl go......overwhelmingly, painstakingly has put a void in my heart and in my life like I never thought could be there. Will I ever forgive myself......probably not, all in due time I guess. However, she is doing well......and I must take comfort in that and knowing I will get all the FUN visitation. I also need this time to refocus on my marriage and on I am trying to look at some positive sides while trying to get through the pain. Also, truth be told if I did not have my volleyball girls to go to every day, I'd go crazy.....and the fact that I see her friends often hurt at first, now I find comfort in it.

I know I am opening up whole new chapters in my life.....learning about love, forgiveness, heartache, gratitude, honesty, trusting, and finding myself......the "me" that I want to be......not the "me" who everyone wishes me to be!

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